Monday, March 16, 2009 :::
 

A COWBOY NAMED BUD WAS OVERSEEING HIS HERD IN A REMOTE MOUNTAINOUS

PASTURE IN  CALIFORNIA WHEN SUDDENLY A BRAND-NEW BMW ADVANCED TOWARD HIM

OUT OF A CLOUD OF DUST.

        THE DRIVER, A YOUNG MAN IN A BRIONI SUIT, GUCCI SHOES, RAYBAN

SUNGLASSES AND YSL TIE, LEANED OUT THE WINDOW AND ASKED THE COWBOY, "IF I

TELL YOU EXACTLY HOW MANY COWS AND CALVES YOU HAVE IN YOUR

HERD, WILL YOU GIVE ME A CALF?"  

        BUD

 LOOKS AT THE MAN, OBVIOUSLY A YUPPIE, THEN LOOKS AT HIS

PEACEFULLY GRAZING HERD AND CALMLY ANSWERS, "SURE, WHY NOT?" 

        THE YUPPIE PARKS HIS CAR, WHIPS OUT HIS DELL NOTEBOOK COMPUTER,

CONNECTS IT TO HIS CINGULAR RAZR V3 CELL PHONE, AND SURFS TO A NASA PAGE

ON THE INTERNET, WHERE HE CALLS UP A GPS SATELLITE TO GET AN

EXACT FIX ON HIS LOCATION WHICH HE THEN FEEDS TO ANOTHER NASA

SATELLITE THAT SCANS THE AREA IN AN ULTRA-HIGH-RESOLUTION PHOTO. 

        THE YOUNG MAN THEN OPENS THE

 DIGITAL PHOTO IN ADOBE PHOTOSHOP AND

EXPORTS IT TO AN IMAGE PROCESSING FACILITY IN HAMBURG , GERMANY . 

        WITHIN SECONDS, HE RECEIVES AN EMAIL ON HIS PALM PILOT THAT

 THE

IMAGE HAS BEEN PROCESSED AND THE DATA STORED. HE THEN ACCESSES AN

MS-SQL DATABASE THROUGH AN ODBC CONNECTED EXCEL SPREADSHEET WITH

EMAIL ON HIS BLACKBERRY AND, AFTER A FEW MINUTES, RECEIVES A

RESPONSE. 

       FINALLY, HE PRINTS OUT A FULL-COLOR, 150-PAGE REPORT ON HIS

HI-TECH, MINIATURIZED HP LASERJET PRINTER, TURNS TO THE COWBOY AND SAYS,

"YOU HAVE EXACTLY 1,586 COWS AND CALVES." 

        "THAT’S RIGHT. WELL, I GUESS YOU CAN TAKE ONE OF MY CALVES,"

SAYS BUD.

        HE WATCHES THE YOUNG MAN SELECT ONE OF THE ANIMALS AND LOOKS ON

WITH AMUSEMENT AS THE YOUNG MAN STUFFS IT INTO THE TRUNK OF HIS CAR. 

        THEN THE BUD SAYS TO THE YOUNG MAN, "HEY, IF I CAN TELL YOU

EXACTLYWHAT YOUR BUSINESS IS, WILL YOU GIVE ME BACK MY CALF?" 

        THE YOUNG MAN THINKS ABOUT IT FOR A SECOND AND THEN SAYS, "OKAY,

WHY NOT?" 

        "YOU’RE A CONGRESSMAN FOR THE U.S. GOVERNMENT", SAYS BUD. 

        "WOW! THAT’S CORRECT," SAYS THE YUPPIE, "BUT HOW DID YOU

 GUESS

THAT?"  

        "NO GUESSING REQUIRED." ANSWERED THE COWBOY. "YOU SHOWED UP

HEREEVEN THOUGH NOBODY CALLED YOU; YOU WANT TO GET PAID FOR AN ANSWER I

ALREADY KNEW, TO A QUESTION I NEVER ASKED. YOU USED MILLIONS OF

DOLLARS WORTH OF EQUIPMENT TRYING TO SHOW ME HOW MUCH SMARTER THAN ME YOU

ARE;

 AND YOU DON’T KNOW A THING ABOUT HOW WORKING PEOPLE MAKE A LIVING -

OR ABOUT COWS, FOR THAT MATTER.  THIS IS A HERD OF SHEEP. ... 

        NOW GIVE ME BACK MY DOG.

::: posted by Curtis aka exeter_acres at Monday, March 16, 2009

0 comments

Friday, February 06, 2009 :::
 

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large Plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags rips, and every once In a while a $20 bill falls out onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, a policeman stops her, and says, "Ma’am, there are $20 Bills falling out of your bag."

"Oh, really? Darn!" said the little old lady. "I’d better go back, and See if I can find them. Thanks for telling me."

"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that Money? "You didn’t steal it, di d you?"

"Oh, no", said the little old lady. "You see, my back yard is right Next to the football stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of fans Come and pee through the fence into my flower garden. So, I stand Behind the fence with my hedge clippers. Each time some guy sticks his Thing through the fence, I say, ’$20 or off it comes’.

"Well, that seems only fair" laughs the cop. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the Way, what’s in the other bag?"

"Well, you know", "not everybody pays".

::: posted by Curtis aka exeter_acres at Friday, February 06, 2009

0 comments

 

I’m sorry...I have to post this...

No racism in the World today?

Then Why is there a Black History month and not a White history month?

Any separation IS racism!

::: posted by Curtis aka exeter_acres at Friday, February 06, 2009

0 comments

Wednesday, February 04, 2009 :::
 

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says:
Slim, I’m 83 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age. How do you feel?
Slim says, I feel just like a newborn baby.
Really? Like a newborn baby?
Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just shit my pants.

::: posted by Curtis aka exeter_acres at Wednesday, February 04, 2009

0 comments

Thursday, January 15, 2009 :::
 

It is amazing just how little the Fanatic Muslim population has done for the world, except to bring mayhem and slaughter to every nation it touches. Their religion traps them in an anachronistic belief system of uncompromising fanaticism, blood revenge, and annihilation as the preferred means to achieve consensus.

The Global Islamic population is approximately 1,200,000,000; that is,
ONE BILLION TWO HUNDRED MILLION, or 20% of the population ofthe Earth..

They have received the following Nobel Prizes:

Literature:

1988 - Najib Mahfooz

Peace:

1978 - Mohamed Anwar El-Sadat
1994 - Yaser Arafat:
1990 - Elias James Corey
1999 - Ahmed Zewai

Economics: (zero)

Physics: (zero)

Medicine:
1960 - Peter Brian Medawar
1998 - Ferid Mourad

TOTAL: 7 SEVEN



The Global Jewish population is approximately 14,000,000; that is, only FOURTEEN
MILLION, or about 0.02% of the world’s population.

They have received the following Nobel Prizes:

Literature:

1910 - Paul Heyse
1927 - Henri Bergson
1958 - Boris Pasternak
1966 - Shmuel Yosef Agnon
1966 - Nelly Sachs
1976 - Saul Bellow
1978 - Isaac Bashevis Singer
1981 - Elias Canetti
1987 - Joseph Brodsky
1991 - Nadine Gordimer World

Peace:

1911 - Alfred Fried
1911 - Tobias Michael Carel Asser
1968 - Rene Cassin
1973 - Henry Kissinger
1978 - Menachem Begin
1986 - Elie Wiesel
1994 - Shimon Peres
1994 - Yitzhak Rabin

Physics:

1905 - Adolph Von Baeyer
1906 - Henri Moissan
1907 - Albert Abraham Michelson
1908 - Gabriel Lippmann
1910 - Otto Wallach
1915 - Richard Willstaetter
1918 - Fritz Haber
1921 - Albert Einstein
1922 - Niels Bohr
1925 - James Franck
1925 - Gustav Hertz
1943 - Gustav Stern
1943 - George Charles de Hevesy
1944 - Isidor Issac Rabi
1952 - Felix Bloch
1954 - Max Born
1958 - Igor Tamm
1959 - Emilio Segre
1960 - Donald A. Glaser
1961 - Robert Hofstadter
1961 - Melvin Calvin
1962 - Lev Davidovich Landau
1962 - Max Ferdinand Perutz
1965 - Richard Phillips Feynman
1965 - Julian Schwinger
1969 - Murray Gell-Mann
1971 - Dennis Gabor
1972 - William Howard Stein
1973 - Brian David Josephson
1975 - Benjamin Mottleson
1976 - Bu! rton Richter
1977 - Ilya Prigogine
1978 - Arno Allan Penzias
1978 - Peter L Kapitza
1979 - Stephen Weinberg
1979 - Sheldon Glashow
1979 - Herbert Charle S Brown
1980 - Paul Berg
1980 - Walter Gilbert
1981 - Roald Hoffmann
1982 - Aaron Klug
1985 - Albert A. Hauptman
1985 - Jerome Karle
1986 - Dudley R. Herschbach
1988 - Robert Huber
1988 - Leon Lederman
1988 - Melvin Schwartz
1988 - Jack Steinberger
1989 - Sidney Altman
1990 - Jerome Friedman
1992 - Rudolph Marcus
1995 - Martin Perl
2000 - Alan J. Heeger

Economics:

1970 - Paul Anthony Samuelson
1971 - Simon Kuznets
1972 - Kenneth Joseph Arrow
1975 - Leonid Kantorovich
1976 - Milton Friedman
1978 - Herbert A. Simon
1980 - Lawrence Robert Klein
1985 - Franco Modigliani
1987 - Robert M. Solow
1990 - Harry Markowitz
1990 - Merton Miller
1992 - Gary Becker
1993 - Robert Fogel

Medicine:

1908 - Elie Metchniko
1908 - Paul Erlich
1914 - Robert Barany
1922 - Otto Meyerhof
1930 - Karl Landsteiner
1931 - Otto Warburg
1936 - Otto Loewi
1944 - Joseph Erlanger
1944 - Herbert Spencer Gasser
1945 - Ernst Boris Chain
1946 - Hermann Joseph Muller
1950 - Tadeus Reichstein
1952 - Selman Abra ham Waksman
1953 - Hans Krebs
1953 - Fritz Albert Lipmann
1958 - Joshua Lederberg
1959 - Arthur Kornberg
1964 - Konrad Bloch
1965 - Francois Jacob
1965 - Andre Lwoff
1967 - George Wald
1968 - Marshall W. Nirenberg
1969 - Salvador Luria
1970 - Julius Axelrod
1970 - Sir Bernard Katz
1972 - Gerald Maurice Edelman
1975 - Howard Martin Temin
1976 - Baruch S. Blumberg
1977 - Roselyn Sussman Yalow
1978 - Daniel Nathans
1980 - Baruj Benacerraf
1984 - Cesar Milstein
1985 - Michael Stuart Brown
1985 - Joseph L. Goldstein
1986 - Stanley Cohen & Rita Levi-Montalcini
1988 - Gertrude Elion
1989 - Harold Varmus
1990 - Harry Markowitz
1990 - Merton Miller
1991 - Erwin Neher
1991 - Bert Sakmann
1992 - Gary Becker
1993 - Robert Fogel
1993 - Richard J. Roberts
1993 - Phillip Sharp
1994 - Alfred Gilman
1995 - Edward B. Lewis

TOTAL: ONE HUNDRED & TWENTY-NINE (!)


The Jews are not promoting brain washing of their children in military training camps, encouraging and teaching them how to blow themselves up to cause maximum deaths of Muslims and non-Jews!

The Jews don’t hijack planes, or kill athletes at the Olympic games, or blow themselves up in restaurants or shopping centers. There is not a single Jew who has destroyed a Muslim place of worship.

The Jews do not believes that murder is a legitimate expression of political protest.

The Jews don’t traffic in slaves, and do not closet half their population in a life of subjugation and near-slavery; nor have Jewish leaders called for a Jihad against non-Jews, or death to all who do not hold with the Jewish faith.

Perhaps the Palestinians and other pariah Muslim states around the world would do better for themselves if they emulated the Jewish example by giving freedom and civil rights to all of its citizens; by placing more value on education for all of its children, and placing less emphasis on blaming Jews and other non-Muslims for their political, cultural, academic, economic, developmental, and social failings.

Regardless of your feelings about the long-standing conflicts between Israel and the Palestinians,and its other Islamic neighbors; and even if you believe there is more culpability on Israel’s part in the current crisis; the following quotation really say it all:

’If the Arabs put down their weapons today, there would be no more
violence. If the Jews put down their weapons today, there would be no
more Israel’ - Benjamin Netanyahu.

::: posted by Curtis aka exeter_acres at Thursday, January 15, 2009

0 comments

Friday, December 19, 2008 :::
 

Hamas declares Israel truce over

This can’t be good!

::: posted by Curtis aka exeter_acres at Friday, December 19, 2008

0 comments

 

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door.


The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."

The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.

When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again.
She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door.

Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they’ve never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street.

At the third red light, the same thing happens again.

All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker r olls down the window. Again she say s "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light.

When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde.


He knocks on her window, and after she lowers it, he says...




"Hi, my name is Mark, it’s winter in Pennsylvania and I’m driving the
SALT TRUCK!"

::: posted by Curtis aka exeter_acres at Friday, December 19, 2008

0 comments

Wednesday, December 17, 2008 :::
 

Fellow Business Executives:

As the CFO of this business that employees 140 people, I have resigned
myself to the fact that Barrack Obama is our next President, and
that our taxes and government fees will increase in a BIG way.

To compensate for these increases, I figure that the Clients will have
to see an increase in our fees to them of about 8% but since we cannot
increase our fees right now due to the dismal state of our economy, we
will have to lay off six of our employees instead. This has really been
eating at me for a while, as we believe we are family here and I didn’t
know how to choose who will have to go.

So, this is what I did. I strolled thru our parking lot and found 8
Obama bumper stickers on our employees’ cars and have decided these
folks will be the first to be laid off. I can’t think of a more fair way
to approach this problem. These folks wanted change; I gave it to them.

If you have a better idea, let me know.

Sincerely,

Your Boss

::: posted by Curtis aka exeter_acres at Wednesday, December 17, 2008

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Friday, December 12, 2008 :::
 

I’d like to take this moment to thank the UAW for having their heads so far up their asses that it will screw our economy!

You should be so proud

::: posted by Curtis aka exeter_acres at Friday, December 12, 2008

0 comments

 

World’s Shortest Fairy Tale.

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl ’Will you marry me?’
The girl said, ’NO!’
And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles
and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and
drank beer and scotch and smoked cigars and and watched

football and left the toilet seat up andfarted whenever he wanted.

THE END = )

::: posted by Curtis aka exeter_acres at Friday, December 12, 2008

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AH...the Detroit Unions must be sooo proud...

Instead of taking wage cuts, they will now have to deal with massive unemployment..

Nice work idiots

::: posted by Curtis aka exeter_acres at Friday, December 12, 2008

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